He was beautiful, but statuesque at the same time. He had a foreboding, saddened vibe that seeped through his dark eyes like a potent magnet you couldn't ignore. Alarms sounded off in my head. I couldn't help it though. He drew me me in; just like a butterfly smacked into the windshield. We hit full force and nothing could stop it.

   In spite of everything cliche, we met online. You could say we also met through mutual friends if you would like. It turns out the world is a smaller place than I thought and he had met one of my friends before he had met me. They had met at a ball. They dated for a while and we would all hang-out together. Their relationship didn't last long. She left him after a couple weeks for her first love whom she is now married to. When she went back to her current husband, that is when we began talking more deeply about life and flirting with the topic of us.

   I remember the first time he picked me up for our first date. He was wearing an olive green long sleeve shirt, boots, and a casual smirk. He was the strong, silent type. Tall, dark, and handsome would be the classic way to describe him. He strode up to my door like the prince of my young dreams. I remember thinking ", He must be the one." He moved free flowing and elegant like water, yet stood his ground like a sturdy, wise tree with a thick trunk that had roots deep set in the complex soil of life. I felt like with one look he could see everything about me. He had deep smoldering eyes, dark chocolate brown hair, and beautiful tan skin he owed to his Italian roots he was given by his deceased father.

   We went to Starbucks for our first real date. We drank our lattes and talked the night away until they closed. I didn't want to go home after so we parked his truck and took a long late night walk. I broke the golden rule and kissed him on the first date. Yes, I kissed him first and he kissed me back...many times! He told me I made him nervous and he liked my talkative personality. In his attractive deep voice he said ", Together we are the perfect balance and you my darling are Ms. Perfect." After that night I started calling him Mr. Wonderful and he always called me Ms. Perfect. It was disgustingly cute.

  The next morning Mr. Wonderful texted me bright and early. He would text me sometimes before the sun even came up. He told me he was in love with me. It was sudden and I am not one to settle, but when I fall for someone I jump in head first. You can have all the guide lines to relationships that you want, however when love hits you you usually don't consult a guide book, you just go with it. I was on top of the world.

  For our second date, we went to Subway. When we were ordering sandwiches the old ladies behind the counter were commenting on how attractive he was. Everyone thought he was gorgeous. He could have been in a Calvin Klien ad. After our date, I invited him over to my house. My aunt's eyes popped out of her head when she met Mr. Wonderful. She pulled me aside and congratulated me on my treasure when he wasn't paying attention.

  I am not usually the kind of girl to let a man come into my room, but I invited him in to escape my mid-life crisis aunt. Plus, it was an excuse for me to lower my standards a little bit. We made out on my bed for over an hour. It was lovely to just have a guy take time kissing me instead of trying to jump head first into my pants. There was nothing like the way he kissed. His lips were a drug. He always left me wanting more. That night when he left I remember him telling me I had the best butt he had ever seen(which he had only seen fully clothed), which was odd considering most guys compliment my chest size. It was different and I liked it. He also told  me, I was sexy & mysterious like a mermaid. I thought that was the best compliment I ever heard. By that point I was so in love, there was no turning back.

  We continued seeing each other for a couple months and in that time we talked about everything. We spent hours on the phone, texted all day, and saw each other every chance we could. He would save all my photos off of my photobucket and text them to me telling me what he liked about them. It was adorable and flattering.

  Mr. Wonderful was as sweet as sugar, but he also had his darker side. As funny as this sounds, I remember he told me his sister had said he reminded her of Edward from the Twilight Saga Books. I was reading 'New Moon' at the time and I began to see his sister was right. He was self-loathing like Edward. Mr. Wonderful actually told me he felt he was a monster inside. Edward says the same thing about himself in the book. I never fully knew where all his darkness came from. If I would have spent years with him, maybe I'd understand more. My big part of my own personal darkness is due to the death of my father. His father had passed and I figured that had hit him pretty hard. He had to be the man at home and support his family. I was proud of him for being such a protector and provider in his family's time of need. He just needed someone to listen to him though and take care of him sometimes. I remember all he wanted for Christmas was a pair of new boots and a tool set so he could fix things for his mom. I asked him to tell me how he felt. One day he just cried and told me about his hurting. I listened to his voice and even though it was in pain, I remember it sounded like rain when you are falling asleep. Soft and beautiful.

  One morning, I woke up to a text from Mr. Wonderful. All it said was ", I am sorry." Confused, I called him and his phone went strait to voice mail. Three days passed, no texts, no calls, no facebook updates. I mailed him a letter. I asked him what was wrong and if I could come see him. He texted me when he got the letter. He said he was sorry it wasn't anything I had done and that he just needed time. He said he would call me when he could. I just responded with okay and told him I loved him. I was hurt, but I couldn't do much about it.

  A couple weeks later he called me and asked me if we could meet up. He came to pick me up and we went to a cafe. He told me he had been seeing another girl before him and I had become serious. A girl he had talked to before he dated my friend who is now married. He cared for her, but he said he was in love with me. He told me it was up to me whether he be with her or I. I told him I felt that was a dumb reason to not talk to me for a while and I didn't even like the fact that he was asking me about it, even though I appreciated his honesty. He had abandoned me with no explanation and that wasn't alright. He promised he didn't cheat on me with her. He said they had just been talking. He had emotionally cheated, but nothing physical. It stung badly. I told him, I felt like he was the one I was going to build a future with, but now I wasn't sure if he was the man I thought he was. He explained to me her feelings. I told him I am sure she is a nice person, but if he really wanted to have me, I shouldn't have to tell him who to pick. It was not a subject that should have ever come up in the first place. Honestly, the whole thing didn't make much sense to me. It was a load of none sense back then and it' s  none sense now. I explained to him he should of told her he has a girlfriend and that would be that. He tried to go into more complicated detail and kept telling me he was sorry. I broke up with him. I told him I couldn't play his immature games. I wanted a man who handled his problems directly, with-out laying the hurt and decisions on my shoulders. He called and texted me everyday. I never responded back.

  I went to a social event one night and I ran into some old friends. They had a few girls with them I had never met. When I was introduced to the last one she told me she already knew me. I asked her how and she explained to me who she was. She was Mr. Wonderful's friend. She told me she was sorry and hadn't known we were serious. I told her it was in the past and I would rather not talk about it. She asked if we could exchange numbers. The next day she texted me a long text about  Mr. Wonderful. She told me he told her he couldn't see her, because he loved me still and she thought I should give him a second chance. Out of my better judgement, I called him that night. We agreed to get back together. The friend didn't contact me after that and I didn't see her anywhere.

  Things went back to normal and I began to trust Mr. Wonderful again. That is until one night. I am not one to jump to conclusions. I am an easy-going and typically level headed person, but when pictures popped in my news feed on facebook of my boyfriend tagged with his former friend it made me a bit skeptical. Especially, pertaining to the fact that they were kissing in one photo. I know people can be a bit crazy sometimes and I don't like to let people start problems in my life without solving the facts first. I don't like online drama either, since things can be taken out of context easily. I asked Mr. Wonderful about the photos. He untagged himself and told me they were old. He said he didn't know why she put them up. I decided to ignore her and not say anything to her about it. That is until she posted more photos of them together. I wouldn't have minded, but there were more kissing photos. He couldn't lie to me this time. In the new pictures he was wearing something I bought him a week prior. I called him to let him know I knew and he begged me to let him come over. I said yes he could come over. I also, called "his friend" and invited her over to talk. I invited her over an hour before he got there. She admitted to me she had wanted him to be happy with me, but she couldn't take it for too long. She told me she didn't feel like I loved him like she did. From everything she told me, I can tell you she was an insecure wreck who needed to get her mind in check. When he arrived at my house he was surprised. I told him he didn't care for me as much as he said or "his friend", because if he did he wouldn't have disrespected either of us the way he did. In a very cold manner, I sarcastically thanked him for wasting my time and told him next time he should have the decency to dump someone if he feels the desire to cheat.

  His "friend" started crying and told me I was mean for talking to him that way. I laughed, asked both of them to leave, and she left.  Mr. Wonderful on the other hand stayed in his car.

  I was heading out for a morning run when I noticed his car was still there. I tapped on his window and asked him if he realized what time it was. He told me he was sorry and she didn't mean anything to him. I told him I was sorry things didn't workout, but I wasn't going to let myself become a mess over someone who under values me. I told him he didn't respect me by breaking my trust twice and cheating on me. I also, told him he didn't respect his "friend" much by allowing her to be the other woman. I didn't want to date a man with those types of values. I wished him luck and told him I hope he finds a woman that will make him a stronger man.

  Inside I was crushed. I cried for a month strait, but eventually I moved on. I look back at the whole thing and I am happy with how I ended it. It may have been a bit dramatic, but I felt it was movie-ques and makes for a comedic ending I can tell to my friends. That isn't where this story ends though.

  Mr. Wonderful ended up marrying the friend, moving out of state, and having a baby. They seem to have a good life and I did wish them the best in my mind. A year after the last time I had seen him though, he called me. He told me he was unhappy and missed me. I hung up and changed my number. A couple months after that he sent me facebook messages proclaiming his undying love so I blocked him. A few months passed and he sent me a birthday card to my parents house and a couple e-mails. I changed my e-mails and never responded to the birthday card. He has tried to get in touch with me in other ways, but I always ignore him.

  Even though I still describe him as beautiful and smoldering, I know there is a nut case somewhere deep down inside him. We had great moments and I wouldn't wish those away, but it is strange to look back on how things turned out all those years ago. Lessons I learned were, stay away from the self-proclaimed brooding types and typically second chances shouldn't be given to people that don't honor your trust from the beginning. Besides, I'd choose Jacob over Edward any day. He is fun, easy-going, and direct. Plus, have you seen him with his shirt off...oh wait, I don't have to ask that. Hardy-har-har!

  This story was a bit long, but I hope you enjoyed it. Have you ever dating the brooding, self-loathing type? How did it go? Tell me your story.

   

   Recently, another xanga user by the name of  @T3hZ10n@xanga  made a statement about casual dating and about how wanting certain qualities in men means "slutty." This made me think. Other people in the past I have spoken with do think by dating I mean hooking-up for a physical fling. Some people I have dated also, have thought that, because we go on a date I want to a physical interaction with them or that I don't even want a date. Some people think a date means: come over to my house and we can hook-up on my couch. No, no, no!  
    In our modern society, I find most people don't date anymore. They are either friends with benefits, hanging out, or in a relationship without dates leading up to it. I feel dating is important. It helps to build friendships, you have social interactions, new experiences, and you learn about yourself/other people, and you grow as a person for your future spouse.
   Personally, I admire the social aspect of dating. Being social is important to me so the people I can meet through going on a date or the interaction with my date is always something I have enjoyed! Also, who doesn't like to have fun? In a future spouse, I don't want to be with someone who wants to sit at home the majority of the time. I want to be with someone who will go on adventures with my future children and I. I admire an active, healthy lifes-style so that trait in someone else is important to me. I do enjoy having lazy days at home and lounging on the couch, however not everyday.
  In the past, I have found many people automatically assume after our first date that we are exclusive. This in my mind is not the case. I feel until I have a serious talk with you about where we stand in a relationship, I will see whoever I want and the other person will date whoever they want. It is not my business and I don't allow myself to become jealous. I feel if you want to me yourself or I want you to myself, we will let each other know. If a person has a problem with being this direct and controlling their jealousy in the mean-time(because we are only human) then they are probably not ready for a serious relationship in the first place. There are people who prefer to date only one person at a time and I think that is perfectly fine. I agree it is probably easier to build a relationship. Honesty is a policy I always use with someone who I am going on a date with and I expect the same of them. If the person I am going on a date with is uncomfortable with me seeing other people, then it's up to them to tell me so we can resolve the issue. The outcome would be I would either start exclusively just seeing this person or we would part our separate ways.

   I'd like to add I am not typically dating more than one person a time. I do find it tiring to be seeing too many people at once, but it has happened and until I am in an official relationship I will usually say yes to a date. I do not see dates as just social outings. They are a way to become closer to someone to see what our compatability is and anyone who I go on a date with deserves a fair amount of my attention in learning about them. I don't line up dates in an assembly line and just have at it.

    A common issue that comes up in the dating world is money. While my date usually does pay for me, I have offered to pay before or split the bill from time to time. If you care for someone, it is lovely to treat them. Especially, if I ask someone on a date then usually I will offer to pay or plan something for them. When it moves into a serious relationship I think everything should be shared and it's all give/take, because you care about the person you are with. There is no keeping score or you have to pay! I do like to see the person I am dating has the ability and desire to be a provider, because this is important in someone I would possibly raise a family with, however I love being a provider as well so to me this is equal footing. The other part of the money issue is that some people just don't have the money to pay for a date. To this I say, if you don't have a job/are not stable financially you shouldn't be dating, you should be focusing on establishing yourself in life. Also, you can have free dates. Sometimes hanging out one someone's couch is alright. For example, you can cook together and then each pick out a movie to watch. I wouldn't go to someone's place or have them over unless I know them well, for safety reasons. You can go to the park, play a sport, go for a hike, workout together, take a walk, walk your dogs together, do a community service project together, paint your room with your date, and so on. Even if you have money, there are so many dates you can do that are fairly cheap. Be creative and show your date that they are important enough to you that you put some thought into planning something. I have also come to find that if a person cares about me, they will save up to take me somewhere nice. You want to be with a giving person, because that says a lot about their character and how they will treat you in the future. I understand people hit hard times. They lose their jobs, they are struggling college students, or maybe they are a single parent. Whatever the situation may be, I have dated someone who lost their job. They collected unemployment, made sure all their bills were paid on time, and looked for a new job everyday. As long as someone is working hard in life, I will work with them on that.
   Dating to me is not something that should ever cease in a relationship. You should still have date night when you are a serious couple or married for thirty years. It is important to always keep the romance alive, do new things together, and remind the other person they are still important and as exciting to you as the first time you kissed. The couples I know who have adopted this in their own life are the most happy and one of them has been together over fifty years! They still have a date night once a month. That is so sweet, don't you think?
   I can talk about dating all day, but I wont bore you. You can breathe. I am going to bring you back to the topic of dating and a physical relationship. To me it is important to build an intimate bond on other levels before anything physical occurs. This means building a friendship, having a good amount of dates, and making each other comfortable. Even a kiss to me is important and takes effort to be done. I do not judge people for their own choices and I say to each their own. If you want to bang a hundred people, be my guest. Just make sure not to spread STDS/STIS or create a bunch of babies who are unwanted. Be responsible with your choices in life.
    My conservative ideas might scare some people away, but to me that just means that is not the person for me and that is something I am happy with. I am not saying I have never had physical interaction with someone who was only a friend or that I have never kissed on a first date, but I was younger then and sometimes things just happen. As I grow older though, waiting for these things are more important to me and I will never be one to give details about my past physical interactions. I feel those are wonderful and personal. You may say ", Hey Roxy! I bet you were a slut in the past." Well, if I was or wasn't based on how my past/my choices now, I would never think, because someone is physical with any amount of people that they are a "slut". That is just their choice in life and I hope they choose to be responsible with their choice.
   Be happy with your own choices and don't call others names for their choices in life. Life is short so spread love not hate. You can do this all while sticking to your own standards and you can still let others know how you feel while showing them you love them no matter what.
  Let's say good-bye by going to make a home-made gift for someone or baking them some cookies to make their day brighter. What is your out-look on dating, hooking-up, marriage, money in dating, the word "slut", and giving gifts this holiday season? Will you be surprising a special someone with a cute gift or date to show your affection?  
 

  

 

   2013 is just around the corner. Everyone usually has their normal resolutions such as stop smoking, lose weight, be a better person, be more outgoing, or landing that promotion. When I was a teenager I made a list of resolutions every year and I took them seriously. I am twenty-four now and I haven't made a list of resolutions in years.
  This year I hit a wall. I realized I had some negative people in my life, negative habits, and environments I would frequent that were not helping me move along in life in a positive way. Everything in life doesn't have to be a lesson learned or something to advance you. I believe in having pure fun sometimes and being absolutely ridiculous with your friends. Those types of memories are some of my best and most bonded. I also realized I wasn't spending my alone time in the most productive manner. 2012 has been a great year, but I can say it has had it's ups and downs and it's my fault entirely for dealing with the downs the way I did. When one particular bad thing happened I would go out all night and then go to work on no sleep, working twelve hours plus an hour commute. I would stress myself out and cover it up with more partying. Besides work I was distracted from spending time with my family, dealing with my own feelings, dealing with other responsibilities, ignoring my health, and the list goes on.
  I had a wake up call one night. I just wasn't feeling happy anymore. I knew I needed to do things differently. I went to the dollar store near my house and I bought a few journals. The simple black and white ones. In one I wrote my goals down for health. I made sections in the notebook. One was to track my weight-loss, another was to track my daily nutritional intake, my workouts/amount of time spent working out, and my measurments. The second notebook was to write down general things in my life I need to set strait, daily lists of goals, weekly, monthly, and so on. In the back of that journal, I made a space to keep track of websites and emails I use(personal and work related). Then I made a list of email accounts and different accounts online I wanted to delete. The next section of the journal was to keep track of my finance goals and my spending. Lastly, I bought a journal to just write down my thoughts and feelings. I make a point to write in it every week, even if it's only a sentence or two. Since starting those journals, I have lost nine pounds since December 1st, accomplished most of my daily goals, and felt less stressed from taking time to write down how I feel.
   The people in my life who were negative have been cut from my life. The people I chose to stay close to understand how I feel. I have been fully honest with my friends about wanting to be more responsible in my life. These were friends I was staying out all hours of the night with. Lucky for me, I have amazing friends who fully understand and respect my feelings.
   Some of my own goals now and for next year are to stay healthy, have fun in decent amounts, and to never ignore my responsibilities. I am excited to say I am going to be taking new classes in the spring and hopefully applyng to start my BA degree. I should also, be starting a new job in a the next couple weeks. When it comes to my creative side I want to make sure to write articles more often, make youtube videos, and finish my book I started. The biggest goal I have is to be there for others more and to be a better role model for them. When I see others in a negative place, I want to help them move forward to a positive place.
   Making my journals and writing everything down may seem extreme to some of you, however it is what I had to do to put my life back on track. I am happier now. I am discovering the passion and drive I felt for life as a teenager with the maturity of my twenty-four year old self. I like it!
I hope you all know you can achieve whatever you set your mind to and even if you don't get to where you thought, I have come to this conclusion. This is my big lesson for the year of 2012. Even if you don't succeed the first or second or even third time you set out to achieve something, that is alright. As long as you keep trying something new and keep trying good things, you will end up in a good place. A huge part of happiness is a state of mind, so decide to count your blessings, not your sorrows. When you are having a bad day, go do something go for someone else. If you don't like something, change it, and if you can't move on.
   I am going to leave you with the questions. What are your New Years Resolutions? How will you accomplish them? Have you started them already? Was 2012 a good year for you? What was your high point and what was your low point? What advice would you offer to others? What will you do differently in 2013? I am also going to leave you with this awesome list someone sent to me this year and I think it's a positive list to read. Let me know what you think of it.

1.Always offer someone a smile.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff.
3. Remember these simple sentences: "I was wrong."
"I am sorry." "Please forgive me." "Thank you." Say
them whenever needed and say "I love you" often—
whether needed or not.
4. Come apart and rest a while before you come apart—
stress is a killer.
5. Remember, "Nothing changes if nothing changes."
6. Don't nurse grudges: "Failing to forgive is like drinking
poison and waiting for the other person to die."
7. Carpe diem. Seize the day. "Opportunity comes to
pass—not to pause."
8. Quit the blame-game—"choice, not chance, determines
destiny."
9. Control your thinking or your thinking will control you.
"What the mind dwells on the body acts on."
10. Invest your life in a worthwhile cause by having a
noble purpose for which to live—one that is bigger than
yourself—one that will help make your world a better
place in which to live.
11. Be a positive realist. You will always see what you are
looking for: "Two men look out the same prison bars.
One sees mud, the other stars."
12. The greatest abilities are availability, dependability,
and responsibility."
13. "There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience."

Happy New Year and Happy Holidays!

Roxy