I have been anxious lately. I've been craving something exciting. I am a complex soul. Since, I was young I was never a person that could be tied down and no one ever crushed my drive to do the things I dreamed of. At the same time I am a hard-core romantic and when I find a person I love, I do anything for them/to be with them. Like right now, I am completely in love with someone. We have been through so much together, mostly amazing(and some really horrible times).

   Things are great between us right now. Last year, we went through terrible things, somethings that we couldn't control. Life right now is simply beautiful and dripping with happiness. That should be enough for me, right? It's all I wanted for so long. I just wanted to be back to this place...our happy place. I didn't want it to be broken anymore. Now here we are. Things are better a little everyday yet I have this need to jump on the next plane to another country. He isn't in a place where he can travel right now. He works nonstop at his new job. Plus, he isn't really the travel type.

   There are so many other things I want to do. It's not like he stops me from doing a lot of this stuff, but for example; I have an opportunity to go teach english to kids in Russia, Thailand, China. I have always wanted to see all of those countries. I can go for basically free through this program and when I am not working I could explore. The stay is about 4-6 months. I don't just want to take off on the man I love for that long when things are finally good.

   Sometimes I want to just stop time and keep him in place. Then go get everything out of my system and come back. I know I can't do that though and I wouldn't want him to put his life on hold for me. Maybe, I shouldn't be stressing. I can still go do all these things later on in life. If things workout with him and I and we wind up married, I can plan trips as we grow together and by then I am sure I wouldn't feel bad leaving for a couple weeks to go out of the country.

   There are still all these other things though. I want to study abroad, travel to different states and work odd end jobs. And even though I don't want to be single, I often miss that freedom of being single. Taking off whenever I want and not having to answer to anyone. Relationships take a lot of work, compromise, selflessness, and more. People don't realize that. When I say I love someone and I am dedicated, I really mean that. I just feel like my life is amazing, but I should keep adding to it. What it comes down to is you can't be selfish and have everything all at once. Life just doesn't work that way. I just have to choose: Do I love him enough to put some of these things on hold or do I leave him behind and take off?

    I choose...him. He is my everything, my twin soul, my smile, etc. He makes me into a complete mush ball of love. (You can gag now, it's okay.)

    I can still focus on some current passions right now. I want to work on starting a photography business. I want to get back in shape and pursue my acting/modeling career. I want to start an online magazine and eventually expand it into a real magazine. I want to start a charity of some kind. This fall I start dental school. I have a lot of good things on my horizon. I just feel so desperate to have it all at once. I'm bursting with happiness and that powers my drive in life. I just have to remind myself to take things one day at a time and breathe.

   Have you ever been at the point in your life that I am at? Have you ever chosen love over something you want to do? Or did you leave the person behind? How would you handle my situation? What are your current goals and dreams? Do you believe you can have it all? Maybe, not all now, but over a life-time?